Hitokiri dono
by Sinnymun
Summary: Kenshin-baka has left. Again. Kaoru has to find a new way to deal with the pain.
1. Prologue Beyond Pain

Prologue - Beyond Pain

Kaoru looked out the window at the empty yard, brushing a strand of damp hair out of her eyes.  Kenshin was gone.  He had left her, again.  But this time, she had found another way of dealing with the loss.  Physical exhaustion kept most of her depressing thoughts away.  Shaking her head she turned back to the wide practice room of the dojo.  There was little point in dwelling on Kenshin, she had learned.  She had been falling behind in the practice of her own style of swordsmanship.  Teaching Yahiko was one thing, but she still needed to take time to practice on her own time.  Plus, the familiar movements tended to relax her.  Kaoru slid from one form to another with practiced grace, focusing only on her posture, her breathing, and her balance.  She let all thoughts of a certain red head drift away.

            After several hours of the exercise, Kaoru did some stretches, to calm her mind and cool her body.  She ended with her favorite, kneeling on the floor, feet tucked neatly under her, arms stretched above her head, which was touching the worn wooden floor.  She breathed deeply several times.  The Sleeping Child pose was always so soothing.

            Her thoughts drifted back, to his most recent farewell.  By the bridge, the same place he had left her the last time.  His voice, his face, had seemed as flat, as emotionless as he always was with her.  His words hurt her, he knew how she felt, but he couldn't return those feelings.  She had sat there, by the bridge for a long time, until Sano and Yahiko had come to find her.  She couldn't believe he was doing it to her again.  Kaoru hadn't even been able to cry, the disbelief and despair had hung so heavy over her.

            _I wasn't pretty enough.  I wasn't strong enough.  I wasn't good enough.  I just wasn't enough to keep him here.  I wasn't enough.  I wasn't enough.  I wasn't enough._  Kaoru realized she was tapping her forehead on the floor in time with her thoughts, but she didn't stop.  She increased the force, driving the thought through her head, forcing herself to face it.  It was time to grow up.  _He's gone.  He's gone.  He's gone.  He's gone._  She hit her head harder with each repeating thought, until the pain bloomed through her head, drowning them out.  If only she could find a way to reach this effect with her heart, reaching that place beyond pain, reaching that blessed numbness.  Kenshin was never coming back.  He had made that perfectly clear when he'd turned his back on her.  All Kaoru could wish for now was release from the pain he had left her in.

            _He's gone.  He's gone.  He's gone.  _She had been alone before.  Hell, she had been alone most of her life.  She'd managed fine before him, she could do the same after him.  She just had to get past this pain.  This pain that flooded her every time she was reminded of him.  She just had to reach the numbness that she knew was beyond it.  She knew it was there, she just had to keep going, day after day, and she could reach it.

            "Where is he?"  A harsh grating voice broke through her inner litany.  Kaoru looked up, her eyes a little blurry, at the figure in the doorway.  She blinked the fuzziness of pain from her eyes, and realized she did not recognize this person.  She knew who he was looking for.  Kenshin.  Everyone was looking for Kenshin, weren't they?  She blinked again, considering telling this man that Kenshin had moved on.  Kaoru didn't want to bother.  In an instant she had grabbed her wooden sword, and was charging.

            He was after Kenshin.  She knew that, and didn't care.  What had sparked her anger was his intrusion.  She was close, so close to the numbness, to the ice.  And this bastard had broken into her home, interrupted her exercises, and this would no longer be allowed.  The only thought her ringing head would allow was: _Punish._

            She took him by surprise, and got in three good strikes before he drew his sword.  After that, she was at the disadvantage and she knew it.  A wooden sword was no match for a real one, but she was the Assistant Master of the Kamiya Kashin style.  Kaoru held him off, until he sliced her sword to pieces.  Then he came at her, waving his sword menacingly, knowing he could take her down easily.

            "I'll ask you again, girl.  Where is the Battousai?"  No one had dared mention Kenshin in Kaoru's presence since he'd left.  Hearing this man ask her where he was brought a rage to Kaoru's heart she hadn't known she was capable of.  She didn't understand it, and didn't try to.  She only growled, and charged again.  He cut her leg first, and then struck her side.  She took his hits, gasping.  But all her rage, and all her energy seemed to be seeping out of her along with her blood.  She fell to the floor, unable to carry on.  She couldn't even think, the pain filled her mind with a thick blackness.  Kaoru found herself reveling in it, there was no room for anything but this pain.  This sharp pain that was like heaven next to what Kenshin had done to her heart.  It flooded through her, until there was nothing left.  Then she found the point, beyond pain.  Kaoru felt herself going numb.

            She didn't even notice the man as he stood over her, confused and angry.  He tapped the tip of his sword on the floor next to her, shaking off a few drops of her blood.  Then he turned and stalked out of the dojo, leaving her to live or die, as was her fate.

            Kaoru's eyes were closed, and she surrendered to the black numbness.  It was like ice, curling around her, locking out all the pain, all the rejection, all the despair Kenshin had left her with.  This loving ice, it locked out Kenshin himself.  It shut out his smile, his beautiful eyes, and the adorable way he called her Kaoru-dono.  It shut out everything.  Until there was only ice left, frosting through her lungs until she couldn't even breathe, freezing the blood in her veins.

            _I found it, Kenshin.  I found the place where you can't hurt me anymore._

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            Okay loves.  I started writing this after finding out that my boyfriend of the past three years, my son's father, has been cheating on me for over a year.  And his other girlfriend is pregnant and moving in with him.  I'm glad I left the bastard last week.  But I plan on continuing the story; I've got some good ideas.  The rest will probably be as angsty and angry as this chapter, though who knows?  I like a happy ending as much as the next sentimental baka.  But I have a question, for anyone who cares to read this story.  Should I include some of Kenshin's thoughts?  Wherever the hell he is, why he left, blah blah blah.  *grumbles* Stupid Man.  Stupid Men.

            Anyways, please review; this is my first Rurouni Kenshin fic.  I thought I'd have Kaoru break down in a slightly different way.  Also this will be the first time I put Author's Notes on the bottom of Chapters, rather than giving them their own chapters.  The next chapters will be longer, probably.

            And, oh yeah.  I OWN NOTHING!!!!

*blowin' kisses*


	2. Scenes

Scenes

"Will she be alright?"  Sanosuke's voice drifted over her.  Kaoru's eyes fluttered open, Megumi was there on her left, holding her wrist and looking at her carefully.  Sano knelt to her right, he was holding her hand.

            "S-Sano?"  Why did her voice sound so faint?

            "Shush, Jou-chan.  I'm right here.  You'll be okay."  He placed a gentle hand on her forehead, and squeezed the hand he held.

            "She'll live…" Megumi spoke.  "And I think her leg will heal fine.  She'll be okay, physically.  I don't think it would be wise to leave her alone anymore though, Sano."  With that, she stood and left the room.

            "Sano…" Kaoru whispered to him, "you're still here."

            "Of course I'm still here, Jou-chan.  Why would I leave?"  Sanosuke's eyes were filled with concern.  He knew the answer.  Kenshin hadn't had any reason to leave either, but it hadn't stopped him.  It was true, Sano had considered leaving after Kenshin did.  But when Kaoru had begun to crack, he found he couldn't.  She was wearing herself out everyday, and wearing Yahiko out too.  Eating very little, sleeping even less.  He didn't know what had happened to her in the dojo three days ago, when he'd walked in to find her unconscious and bleeding.  But he had a feeling it had to do with Kenshin.  He silently cursed his friend, for walking away and leaving everyone else to deal with the mess that was Little Missy.

            "I found it, Sano…" She whispered.  "I found the place where I stopped hurting… but I don't think I can find it again."

            "Shh, Jou-chan, stop thinking about that.  Be quiet, and get well."  Sano brushed the hair off her forehead, feeling fiercely protective of the girl that had become one of his best friends.

            "I need to be stronger…" Kaoru's voice faded into even breathing, as she lost her hold on consciousness.

            Kaoru walked out to the porch, looking at the sky for the first time since the attack.  It was just after sunset, twilight blooming in purple, silver, and blue through the sky.  Sano, Yahiko, and Megumi stood behind her, watching her carefully.  It had been a rough recovery for her, mostly because she refused all of Megumi's pain medicines, and most of the food they tried to give her.  She wasn't about to let Megumi rob her of that beautiful blinding pain.  But it had passed eventually on it's own.  As much as she'd tried to fight it, her body had healed, leaving her all too capable of feeling those emotions the pain had blocked away.

            She had done some thinking during her recovery.  The Kamiya Kashin style had failed her every single time she had come against a real sword.  The style her father had passed to her was flawed, but she was sure she could fix it.

            "Yahiko, Sano, I'll need your help."  She spoke quietly.  And they both agreed quickly.  Kaoru explained to them her goal, to supplement the bokken with something more… aggressive.  She believed she could stay true to the ideals her father had founded the Kamiya Kashin on, even if she were adding new weapons.

            "Are you ready?"  Sano asked, holding his sword in an attacking stance.

            "Sano!"  Kaoru exclaimed, "You're not supposed to ask!  You're supposed to attack!  No real enemy would ever ask if I were ready!"

            Sanosuke chuckled, before putting on a very firm face.  Kaoru took her sparring sessions very seriously, and he didn't like to risk her temper by teasing her about them.  It had been six months since Kenshin's departure, and Kaoru seemed to be coping better and better every day.  It had been by immersing herself in her swordsmanship that she got by, and she had greatly improved in both strength and skills.

            Kaoru watched him carefully.  She insisted on sparring as if she were really being attacked, or were actually protecting something.  Sometimes she even called in the girls to stand behind her, making the practice that much more realistic.  Sano held a real sword, while Kaoru held her wooden one ready.  He had been a great help to her, not only in these practice sessions, and in her simple strength training, but also in selecting the proper weapon to use after her wooden sword was broken.  Those weapons were currently tucked into the belt of her practice gi.

            He charged, a driving attack that Kaoru dodged before delivering a sharp rap to the back of his head with her bokken.

            "Stop making this easy, Rooster-head!"  She reprimanded him.  He made no reply but to spin, striking her thigh with the flat of his sword.  Kaoru leapt backwards, ignoring the stinging in her leg.  He attacked again, more complex.  He almost always managed to fool her with this attack; because she had such a hard time seeing something so complicated spring from the mind of her Sano.  He managed to slice through her bokken, close to the handle, making the whole thing nothing more than firewood.

            Kaoru was forced to retreat again, this time pulling the pair of knife like weapons from her belt.  She struck a pose that looked defensive, left arm across her chest with her hand holding the sai by her hip, pointing slightly upward.  Her right arm bent in front of her, the foot long sai ready to block.  When Sanosuke attacked, she trapped his sword between two prongs of the odd weapon, twisting it away and out of his grasp.  She simultaneously thrust with her left, stopping just short of skewering him in the stomach.

            They both froze for a few long seconds, eyes locked, before backing away from each other.  Sano attributed the flush in Kaoru's cheeks to the workout they'd just had.  He had gotten very close to her these past six months, but not that close.  Even so…

            "I don't think…" he panted, "We should be training together anymore."

            "Why?"  She looked at him, her eyes full of confusion and hurt.  "Sano?"  When she spoke his name like that, Sanosuke couldn't take it.  She was so… lovely like this, so adorable and vulnerable.  Kaoru needed him, and he couldn't bear to let her down.  He forced himself to look away.

            "You've beaten me every time we've trained for the past month."  And he had actually been fighting for real, not just letting her win.  "I think you're done, you're the best there is.  I don't think anyone could beat you."

            "That's not true.  Kenshin…" Her voice faded away.  She couldn't stop until she was stronger than the Battousai himself.  "Sano…" She touched his arm, looking earnestly into his face.

            "Oh, all right.  I'll beat you black and blue tomorrow then."  Sano couldn't help but grin at her.  He would do anything to bring a smile back to her face.  And she did smile at his challenge, slipping her fingers into his.

            "You're a good friend, Sanosuke Sagara.  I couldn't have done this without you."  Kaoru's hand seemed so small in his, but he could feel the calluses that constant practice had given her.

            "Hey, Jou-chan, that's what I'm here for."  He squeezed her little hand affectionately. 

            Kaoru was wearing a very pretty kimono as she stepped neatly down the darkened street.  She kept her head down, seemingly focused on picking her way along the muddy road.  But her eyes were moving quickly from side to side, and she was fully aware of her surroundings.  There had been a series of murders in this area of town, and she had been asked for help.  All the victims were women, killed either in the late evening or early morning.  So here she was, playing bait, hoping to draw out the killer and capture him.

            She knew she was playing this dangerously.  She hadn't told either Yahiko or Sanosuke what she was doing, because she knew neither would approve.  But Kaoru found that she had no fear.  She simply kept walking, stopping to glance up at an odd sound, pretending to be frightened as she looked into the shadows surrounding her.  Her sais were tucked behind her obi, nearly invisible in this bad light.  She had left her bokken behind, knowing it would be suspicious.  She was trying to coax him into attacking her, and the more helpless he thought her the better.

            When his foot splashed in a puddle to her right she spun around, but he managed to catch her arm as she did.  Kaoru instinctively punched him in the face, startling him into letting her go, if only for an instant.  An instant was all she needed to draw the pair of sais, and attack him.  But he was fast, and had drawn his own pair of knives.  They were long, and Kaoru was certain that he had used them to murder those women.  She caught the look of murderous rage in his eyes as their weapons locked between them.

            "What do you think you're doing, bitch?"  He sneered, his breath hot and smelling of sake on her face.  "No bitch will fucking defy me!"  He moved quickly, slicing her cheek before she could dodge the blow.  Kaoru flinched away from him, but her hands moved as if on their own will.  Her sais spun in his face forcing him to step back clumsily.  As he did, he slipped in a puddle, nearly falling on his ass.  Which only served to fan his rage, and he lunged at her again.

            Kaoru saw him coming, saw the flash of his blades, saw the opening she knew she had to take.  She stepped into his lunge, thrusting her sais forward without even thinking about it.  Blood spilled from his throat, pouring over her hands and painting them dark red.  Both blades were embedded in his throat; it was a wonder his head was still attached.  Kaoru pulled the bloody blades out of his neck, shaking off some of the blood as she did so.  Her hands and arms were covered with it, drenched clear up to her elbows.

            She stared at her hands, dripping darkly, and at the three-pronged weapons which no longer flashed in the moonlight.  Kaoru had never drawn blood from an opponent before, much less killed him.  As that fact dawned on her she took the time to look at her would-be killer.  He now lay in the mud of the street.  Dead.  _I killed him.  Killed him dead._  Kaoru was a little surprised at how easy it had been.  She stepped over him, hanging her head.

            "Murderer…" She whispered to herself.  Then snorted ironically.  "Kaoru-dono becomes the Hitokiri.  What would Kenshin think of that?"

            Kenshin lay back, looking up at the stars.  His small fire sparked fitfully until he banked it for the night.  It had been some nine months since he'd left Tokyo, and he often found himself thinking about his friends at times like this.  He wondered what they were all up too, what they'd been doing since he'd disappeared.  _Is Yahiko still calling her 'busu?'  I wonder if Kaoru still chases him around the dojo.  Sano has probably moved on by now… Megumi must still be studying with Dr. Genzai.  Kaoru-dono… I'm sorry… I just couldn't stay any longer.  I was just putting you in constant danger.  If not from those who would use you against me, then from… from myself.  You alone brought out the best, and the worst in me._

            His eyes closed, and he drifted into sleep, quite sure that everyone was much better off now that he was wandering again.  Kaoru would be safe from all his enemies, and from the Battousai hiding within himself.

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Greetings loves!  Well… I hope you liked this chapter.  The weapons Kaoru takes up are those things used by Elektra, from Daredevil.  Someone told me they were called sais, so that's what I called them.  If I'm wrong, please correct me.  I thought for a long time about what kind of weapons she should add to the Kamiya Kashin.  I considered kodachis, like Aoshi uses, but the image of Kaoru with the three-pronged sais just kept coming back to me, so I gave in.

As for me… well, let's just say that vengeance is a wonderful thing.  I called his mom… she was pretty surprised to hear my story.  I think she's very eager to have a talk with her son.  *evil evil grin*

*blowin' kisses*


	3. A Changed Dojo

A Changed Dojo

            "Where have you been?"  Sano's voice was harsh when she returned to the dojo.  He was sitting on the porch, waiting for her.  Despite his question, he knew very well where she'd been.  Kaoru knew her eyes would betray her guilt.

            "The police needed some help, and they were willing to pay for it.  I could handle it.  We need the money, Sano."  She was right, they did.  Kaoru had taken to collecting children, and now they filled the dojo, eating them all out of house and home.  It had started the night she came home with the cut on her cheek, she knew, although the first child didn't come until several weeks later.  Sano was the only person who knew about what had happened the night she'd gotten the scar beneath her right eye, the same way he was the only person who knew she was still going out at night, being Hitokiri-dono of Tokyo, the paid hunter and manslayer for the police.  For weeks after that night, the night of her first kill, Kaoru's eyes had lost all their life.  Their blue depths had gone flat.  Until she met Keiichi, a tiny orphaned boy, and brought him home.  It was as if playing mommy to the small boy helped her cope with what she'd done.  Ever since then it was as if all of Tokyo knew, 'Orphans welcome at the Kamiya Dojo.'  Her eyes had that same flat look now, telling him that she had killed someone that night.

            "Listen Jou-chan, do you know how I knew you left tonight?"  Sano asked.  "Kasumi-chan had a nightmare.  She woke us all crying for her Mama Kaoru."

            "Is she all right?"  Kaoru was instantly concerned.  Kasumi was the newest member of her makeshift little family.  The girl had watched as her own father killed her mother in a drunken rage.  The police had brought her to Kaoru's door, terrified of any man.  Kaoru had been the only one who could comfort her; the poor child was scared to death of Sanosuke.

            "She's huddled in a corner in your room, Jou-chan.  She won't let anyone near enough to even touch her."  Sanosuke sighed.  "Next time the police have work for someone, I'll take it.  Do you understand me, Kaoru?"

            He only used her given name when he was very serious, and she knew how much he hated working _with_ the government.  But Kaoru wouldn't give in.  "There's plenty of work for both of us, Sanosuke.  But I will be sure to let you know next time I leave."  She turned away from him then, hurrying to her room and the sobbing little girl therein.

            In the morning, the house was a den of chaos and pandemonium.  Seven children between the ages of four and ten came clamoring out of their rooms.  Toru was the eldest, followed by Minako and Yoko, both of them eight years old.  Then came Keiichi and Kasumi, seven.  Mikado-chan was five, and his little sister Mori-chan was four.  Kaoru smiled as they all came in to hug her.  It had become a sort of informal morning ritual, that she greet them all first thing.  As she felt all their little arms wrap around her, all the sticky kisses on her cheek, she felt her self-disgust subside to a tolerable level.

            "Mama Kaoru!"  Mikado-chan and Mori-chan came running to her.  And she knelt down to wrap them both in a tight hug.

            Sanosuke watched it all happen from his normal position on the porch.  His mind was working at depths that were well hidden by his fish-bone chewing façade.  Kaoru seemed to be the same compassionate girl she had been when he first met her, but he knew she had changed since Kenshin left.  And the recent killings weren't the only thing, though they were a big part of the other changes.  Aside from beginning to collect children, Kaoru had decided not to teach her students her addition to the Kamiya Kashin.  Which made sense.  It wasn't likely any of them would ever come up against a real sword, especially since those were outlawed.  And she herself wore the sais only when she knew she would need them.  She had matured, not giving in to Yahiko's teasing anymore, at least, not as much.

            As for the 'work' she did for the Police and the Government… Sano was of the opinion she both hated and loved it.  Kaoru needed to feel like she was strong, like she could take care of herself, she could protect herself.  She needed to feel like she didn't need Kenshin.  A whole year, and Kenshin's departure was still affecting the dojo.  Even the title she had become known by, Hitokiri-dono, Miss Manslayer, seemed to be her way of tarnishing the ideals he lived by, yet also keeping his memory close and fresh.  Sano shook his head disgustedly.  Damn that Kenshin.  Poor Kaoru was putting herself through hell, running the dojo, raising seven kids, and this night work that she sometimes had to do.  Hunting bounties left her sick to her soul, he could see it in her eyes.

            "Uncle Sano?"  It was Keiichi-chan.

            "What's up, Keiichi-chan?"  Most of the kids loved their Uncle Sano, recognizing him as someone who was always ready to play.  All but Kasumi-chan, who was petrified of all men.

            "Mama Kaoru says that you can stop standing there looking grumpy and come have some breakfast."  The little boy giggled at the look on Sano's face when the man glanced at Kaoru.  Sanosuke had to grin at the kids as they all settled down to the table, pushing each other into their seats.

            "Is everyone here?"  Kaoru asked, bringing in the food from the kitchen.  Yahiko took a quick head count; he'd found he was surprisingly good at keeping all seven youngsters organized.

            "Is Kasumi-chan still sleeping?"  He asked, noticing her place still empty.  "She had a really rough night without you, Kaoru.  Where were you all night?"  Yahiko, at least, was as tactless as ever.  Kaoru decided to ignore his last remark.

            "Yes, I decided that Kasumi-chan could use the extra rest.  She's in my room."  She replied calmly, giving a large bowl to Toru, who proceeded to serve the others.  Only when everyone was seated and quiet did Kaoru signal that they could begin eating.  The second that Kaoru picked up her chop sticks, everyone, Yahiko and Sanosuke included, began digging in to their food as if it had been a week since any of them had eaten rather than just the night.  She suppressed a happy sigh as she took her first bite.  She loved to see all her children together, and happy.  Their innocence helped her to remember her own.  She could relate to them all, having lost so much in her own life.  First her real family, her mother and father, had died leaving her to run a dojo and whole new style of swordsmanship all by herself.  Then Kenshin, who had been the first member of her new family, abandoned her.  The scars on her leg and side ached at the very thought of that.  If Kenshin had been there, she wouldn't have nearly died that day.  But she didn't need him anymore.  Now, she could take care of herself, she could protect herself and all her children from everything that was evil.  _I don't need him.  I do not need Kenshin._

            "Who will go shopping with me today?"  She asked the group, pushing those thoughts of the violet-eyed man into the darkest depths of her mind.  Minako and Yoko immediately jumped at the chance.  The two little girls were best friends, and they liked nothing better than visiting the market place.  Kaoru nodded, smiling at them, though she knew they would want to spend every second there ooh-ing and aah-ing over hair ribbons and kimonos.  Which meant that a shopping trip that would normally take about an hour would end up lasting all morning.

            "Yahiko, you'll take care of this morning's students then?  Drills until lunchtime will be just fine."  Kaoru knew that Yahiko loved leading the classes, and jumped at every opportunity.  He nodded happily through a mouthful of food.

            Kaoru spent the rest of breakfast dividing the daily chores between the seven children, until everyone was happy.  Each of the children had chores, whether it was helping to make or serve meals, to straightening up their rooms, to helping with the dishes, or helping with the laundry.  It took some careful working out, but somehow, it always managed to get taken care of.

            Kaoru and the children were already preparing dinner before she remembered that they'd be having guests.

            "Oh!"  She exclaimed, nearly cutting her finger.  "Megumi-san and Dr. Gensai are coming to dinner!"

            "And Ayame and Sazume too?" Minako immediately wanted to know.  When Kaoru assured the little girl her friends would be coming also, she did a little dance in the kitchen.  "May I go tell Yoko?"

            Kaoru nodded, laughing.  She couldn't help but remember when she had been nothing but a tomboy living alone in her dojo.  Then, after Kenshin, Yahiko, and Sanosuke joined her there, she had been a tomboy living with a bunch of guys in her dojo.  Now, the ratio was more even.  Four little girls, three little boys, plus Yahiko and Sanosuke, and Kaoru.  _Five on five seems a little fairer.  Minako and Yoko are so girlie, too.  I don't think I was ever like that.  I must not have been, Minako is only eight years old, and she's already a better cook than I am.  Oh!  I'd better not let her spend all evening chatting with Yoko by the laundry!_

            "Don't take too long, Minako-chan!  You still have to make the sauce!"  She called after the girl.

            "Okay, Mama Kaoru!  Don't worry, I'll make it really good!"  Kaoru had to laugh again.  _At least I can cut the vegetables all right._  The children loved her, whether or not she could cook.  Dinner was eventually finished, and just in time for Megumi, Dr. Gensai, and the girls to appear.  Minako and Yoko, and the little tag-a-long Mori-chan warmly greeted Ayame and Sazume.  The little one might have been only four years old, but she loved to play with the 'big girls.'  Kasumi-chan on the other hand, preferred to stay by Kaoru's side, whether she was practicing alone with her sais or teaching swordsmanship classes.  Kaoru had caught the shy girl playing with a stick, practicing the forms of the Kamiya Kashin.  _Maybe when she's older, I'll let her join the classes.  But for now, I think she's too young._  Toru had already begun taking Kaoru's classes, and he was a dedicated student, determined to make her proud of him.  The sweetness of all her children brought yet another smile to Kaoru's lips as she greeted her friends.

            "Hello Megumi-san!  Hello Dr. Gensai!"  She wrapped her arms around each in a happy hug.  "It's so good to have you here!"

            Megumi's returning hug seemed to be a little tighter than normal, but Kaoru didn't have time to let it bother her.  Keiichi-chan and Mikado-chan were having another of their little spats.  Mikado loved everything about his new big brothers, and could get a little annoying when he followed them around.  Yahiko and Toru dealt with him fairly well, but Keiichi had no patience for it.

            After getting the whole affair sorted out, Kaoru herded the kids into the dining room, which seemed a little crowded with all fourteen people inside.  Toru, Yoko, and Keiichi served dinner to everyone, but before Kaoru could give the signal that they could begin eating Megumi clapped her hands to get everyone's attention.

            "I'd like to give everyone some very exciting news."  She began, looking from Sanosuke to Kaoru and back again.  She looked excited but nervous.  "Dr. Gensai has decided that I have learned everything that he can possibly teach me.  So I have decided to travel, to keep learning from doctors in Kyoto, and all over Japan.  And perhaps…" She looked at Sano very hard.  "Perhaps I can find out what happened to my family, or if any of them are still alive."

            Sanosuke looked down into his lap as the rest of the family congratulated her.  He knew that Megumi had never lost hope that some of her family might have survived the revolution, and he knew that she had worked very hard atoning for making opium.  But he couldn't believe that his fox lady was actually going to search all of Japan for them.  _My fox lady… can I really call her that?  It doesn't matter if I can; this isn't safe.  Running all over Japan, all by herself, it's just asking for disaster._  He looked up at her, at the woman who had always been his antagonist and… something else.  Where Kaoru was his warmth and family, Megumi was a fire that threatened to burn him if he got too close, but he felt he would freeze if he were ever far from her.

            "All by yourself, Megumi-san?"  Kaoru's voice broke through his thoughts.  "That seems rather unsafe!"

            Kaoru had watched as Sano's face fell when he heard Megumi's announcement.  _Sano has been such a good friend to me… I don't know what I would have done without his help.  He stayed with me when I was injured, when I forced him into practice session after practice session, when I became Hitokiri-dono, even when the children thought his only purpose in life was to be their climbing post._  Kaoru thought wistfully.  _It is time for me to return the favor._

            "You should take Sanosuke with you!"  Kaoru smiled widely at Megumi and Sano.

            "What?!"  They both replied, in very much the same tones.  _Oh for Kami sake, would you two stop pretending that you can't stand each other?_

            "It's just not safe for a woman like you to go wandering all by herself."  Kaoru continued, ignoring their exclamation, as she picked up her chopsticks.  "And who would be a better bodyguard than Sano?  Right?  I'm sure he could use a change from hanging around here all the time."

            "What do you mean a 'woman like me'?"  Megumi glared at her.

            "What do you mean 'hanging around here'?"  Sano asked at the same time.

            The children, after glancing from Kaoru to Sano to Megumi and back countless times, noticed that Mama Kaoru had picked up her chopsticks.  They abandoned paying any attention to the adults, and set into their dinners with a profound single-mindedness.

            "I'm sure I'll be just fine, Kaoru-chan."  Megumi used her best, 'I'm bigger and older and more beautiful than you' voice.  But Kaoru would have none of it.  She proceeded to ignore any more of her protestations focusing instead on Yahiko, and how he had led class that morning.

            Sano was sitting on the porch when Megumi came to join him; she stood by a post, unsure of what to say.  She looked at him, still not knowing how she felt about him.  She couldn't bear it if he really didn't want to come with her, which was how it had seemed at dinner.  Megumi couldn't believe that Kaoru had suggested a thing so ludicrous as Sano being her bodyguard.  _Though, it wouldn't be so bad, would it?  Even if he never has to protect me from anything, it would be nice to have some company._  She was looking forward to traveling, to learning more of medicine in Kyoto.  There were doctors there that were doing absolute amazing things with the new western theories.  But still, Sano had always been so… infuriating.

            "You're not going to leave her, are you?"  She asked him quietly, trying very hard to cover the emotions she felt.  "Because she's really not quite stable.  I don't know what she'd do without you."

            "Exactly.  So who is going to protect you while you're traipsing all over creation?"  Sanosuke asked, trying to keep his voice light.  But Megumi could hear that he was seriously worried.

            "I'll be fine.  All this worry is so silly."  She replied.  He had agreed.  He wouldn't be coming with her.  _Of course he won't.  He can't leave Kaoru alone.  I can't ask him too._

            "I don't think you realize how much trouble will follow a fox like you."  Sano grinned, but his words were serious.  What was she thinking?  "You can't go.  At least not alone, fox."

            "Well, Rooster-head, I am going.  And… I guess I'm going alone."  Megumi didn't know why she was fighting with him.  She didn't want to, it just happened, the way it always did when they were close.  "And there's nothing you can do to stop me."  With that she turned away.  The last thing she wanted to do before she left was get into a huge argument with him.

            Sanosuke heard her bid goodnight to Kaoru and the kids before she left with Dr. Gensai.  He listened as Kaoru set the kids to work on their dishes, and cleaning the table.  Then she came to sit with him on the porch.

            "Hey Jou-chan," he said quietly, lifting an arm around her shoulders, as she rested her head against his shoulder.  They had spent many evenings like this, and her warmth against him was familiar and calming.

            "Sano, you have to go with her."  She said, her voice quiet and even.

            "But, Jou-chan, I can't leave you here alone…" Sanosuke began his argument.

            "I know what you're thinking, Sano."  He could feel her smile.  "You think I can't handle losing you after I lost Kenshin."  It was the first time that she'd said his name aloud.  "Sano, I know you have to go, and I know where you'll be going, and I know _why_ you have to go.  It's not as if you're going to be abandoning me, like he did."  She was surprised that the memory of his cold farewell still sent that pang through her heart.  "I won't be losing you, Sano.  Right?"

            He smiled down into her hair.  "You'll never lose me, Jou-chan.  I'll always love you."  He knew that she understood what he meant.  The two had become so close over the past year, closer than friends, closer than family; but they had never become lovers.  They were affectionate with each other, comforting caresses, supporting hugs, and the many kisses Sano had bestowed upon her forehead, cheeks, even her lips, were very chaste.  "But it's almost been a year since…" He stopped, afraid to remind her that the anniversary of Kenshin's final departure was approaching.  "I can't leave you to deal with the dojo, and the kids, all by yourself!"

            "Don't you see, Sano?"  She asked, looking up into his face earnestly.

            "See what?"  He asked.

            "If you let Megumi leave alone, you'll be abandoning _her_… and you can't do that Sano.  You can't do to her what he did to me.  I just can't let you."  The pain Kenshin had caused was evident in her deep blue eyes.  Sanosuke imagined Megumi, with the same pain in her eyes.  But she didn't… sure they flirted sometimes, but she couldn't feel the way he did.  Could she?

            "But…" Sano tried to start another protest, but he was cut off when Kaoru stood up.

            "I won't be alone, Sano.  I still have Yahiko, and the kids, and Dr. Gensai.  And it's not as if I need protection…" her eyes became hard with that last statement, taking a silver glint he'd never seen before.  "You know perfectly well, I can take care of myself."  He could see straight into her heart.  The wounds Kenshin had left hadn't really healed at all.  She just kept them buried, working for the police, teaching her father's sword style, caring for the children.

            _She'll never be okay.  Not until she gets an explanation at least.  As much as she tries to deny it… Kaoru's not whole without him._  Sanosuke watched her go back into the house, back into the family she had made for herself and all those kids.  A thought occurred to him, listening to everyone's happy voices.  _Kenshin doesn't even know what he did to her.  He should know.  He should face what he's done.  If… if I go with Megumi, we might find him.  And I can make him come back to her.  Make him see her broken heart.  Yes._

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Greetings loves!!  Thank you so much for the reviews!!!  I love reviews!!!  *blows kisses to all her reviewers*  Please don't be afraid to send a bad review.  I need some constructive criticism.

Sorry this chapter took so long… but I kept getting new ideas about where I wanted to take the story, what I wanted to happen with the characters, how I wanted them to interact… The Sano/Kaoru thing took a lotta considering, and I was drifting back and forth on sending him off with Megumi, or having him stay with Kaoru.  As you can see, he's leaving with Megumi, because she's the one he's really in love with, but their new 'affectionate' relationship will become an issue again… *grins at the readers*  Also there were the effects that becoming a killer would have on Kaoru.  When I first got the idea for this story, there were no kids, but I think I'm glad I put them in.  Kaoru had to find a way to fill her heart, not only to fill the hole Kenshin left, but to cope with her own self-revulsion.  She hates killing, because it goes against everything she has believed in her life up to now, but she also loves it.  You might have noticed the silver glint in her eyes at the end of this chapter…

This chapter is the start of a lot of things that are going to be happening…

COMING IN NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Who was Kaoru's mysterious attacker?  An unexpected visitor to the dojo explains, and Kaoru is sent away on her own journey.  What could possibly make her leave her children?


	4. An Aggravating Visitor

An Aggravating Visitor

Kaoru was exhausted. It had been three days since Sano left, and as much as she appreciated all his help before, it was nothing compared to how she felt now. The kids were restless and all very upset that he'd left them behind. There had been a large farewell dinner, and he'd given each of them a special and personal good-bye; but they were still very cranky about the whole affair.

She looked out at the yard, and the kids playing, and brushed a strand of stray hair back behind her ear. _I miss you too, Sano… but you're doing the right thing…_ She sighed, then told herself she should stop being silly. Sure, he was gone, sure that made her life just a little bit harder, but how many times had she made Sanosuke's life harder? So many, she was sure she couldn't even count.

But… now she couldn't work at night, without her tall friend to watch over her family. That meant she would have to share her secret life with someone else… and beg them to guard the children while she was out. Yahiko? He was growing up quickly, advancing in skill, if not always maturity. Tae? What would her old friend say if she ever found out what Kaoru was up to? Dr. Gensai? He was too old, and if someone attacked, he would be unable to stop them. She didn't dare leave them all alone… as Hitokiri-dono, she had made some enemies, and if any of them found out who she really was, they would immediately know where she lived. And if that happened, Kaoru knew that her children would be in grave danger. Perhaps she could have one of the police come keep an eye on things. But Kaoru knew how worthless the police could be. _I'll be extra careful… wear a better disguise, make sure that no one can ever know who Hitokiri-dono is. A policeman should be able to handle things if I'm just careful enough._ Kaoru nodded to herself as she turned back to the kitchen. That decided, she would see to it today.

Hiko stalked through the streets of Tokyo, rather irritated with his baka deshi, with the world in general, and most of all, with himself. The girl's name was Kamiya, if he remembered correctly, and of course he remembered correctly. He was Seijiro Hiko after all. He remembered everything, knew everything, and could do anything. Except find his baka deshi's new home, apparently. For some odd reason, the town of Tokyo was trying to thwart him at every turn. _My idiot apprentice would choose an infernal place like this to live in, with that girl he's constantly dreaming about. Children._ He snorted mentally at the thought of his apprentice and his friends.

However, they had to be warned, silly children. They had very little chance of surviving the vengeance of Kawajiri, even with his warning; without it they would all surely die. Hiko's thoughts wandered back, to a past he didn't like to dwell in.

It started years ago, all of it, leading up to the present, leading Hiko off the mountain. _Kawajiri…_ Hiko remembered the boy who had been his friend, and fellow apprentice in the Hiten Mitsurugi. What had happened to that boy? What had the years of bitter rivalry and jealousy done to him? Hiko shook his head, saddened by the whole situation, but remembering the danger to his apprentice. He spotted a group of boys loitering on a street corner, and asked them for directions. They pointed him down another street, and said that he should find it eventually.

They were right. Looking up the steps, he could hear the girl's voice, calling out sword movements. She was a crazy one, that Kaoru Kamiya; a perfect match for his baka-deshi if he ever saw one. A young girl scampered by the top of the steps and looked down at him. She frowned slightly, and called out.

"Who are you?"

"Seijiro Hiko," he responded to her question evenly, before asking, "Who are you?"

"I'm Minako." She was still frowning at him. "Are you here to see Mama Kaoru?"

Hiko had to arch an eyebrow at that. _Mama Kaoru?_ There was something going on here, something that he didn't quite understand.

"Actually, I wish to speak with Himura-san."

"You are at the wrong house." The girl replied with certainty.

Now it was Hiko's turn to frown. Focusing, he realized that he could not sense Kenshin's ki around the dojo, nor anywhere nearby for that matter.

"This is the Kamiya dojo?" He asked, walking up the steps. The girl, Minako, took a step back and glared at him. She nodded at the question.

"Yes, but I have never heard of a Himura-san. You are at the wrong house. Go away, or I will call Mama Kaoru!" The girl had raised her voice, and she looked around. She spotted a smaller girl by the house and called out to her. "Kasumi! Tell Mama Kaoru there's a man here who will not leave!"

The smaller girl blanched and ran to the practice building, where there were sounds of wooden swords clacking together. In an instant, Kaoru emerged, wearing her practice gi, sais in her hands, and a look of absolute fury on her face. She was running at him at top speed, her weapons out and ready to protect her children from whatever danger they were in. In a second, Hiko had not only dodged her charge, but also disarmed her and held her above the ground.

"Hey! _What_ is going on here?" He asked, his confusion evident in his voice. Kaoru stopped struggling in his grasp, and looked at him for the first time. Shock, recognition, and fury flew across her face, before it settled into a schooled look of calmness.

"Hiko." Her voice was tinged with a bit of irony. "Are you going to put me down, or explain yourself like this?"

He had immobilized her in a rather odd position. Her body was pressed against his, in such a way that she could not knee him, and he held her arms, one twisted behind her back, the other held immobile over her head. Her feet dangled several inches above the ground, and she was looking up at him.

Hiko put her down with a snort. If she were trying to embarrass him, it wouldn't work. Hiko did not get embarrassed.

"Do I not deserve an explanation? I come to visit my baka-deshi, and find only a questioning girl-child, and a raging tanuki."

Kaoru stiffened visibly. Her voice was like ice when she finally replied.

"I was under the impression that Seijiro Hiko the Thirteenth had decided that he would never be leaving his mountain and his sake. If he has suddenly decided to visit with his apprentice, he will have to look elsewhere. Kenshin is not here." She turned on her heels, and began to herd the several children who had gathered behind her back into the house.

"Wait!" Hiko commanded. When she only ignored him he said, "Kenshin is in danger, you could all be in danger. I must speak with him."

She stopped at that, and sensing her ki, Hiko could feel her weighing something in her mind. Finally she turned to look at him, some expression he couldn't seem to recognize on her face.

"I do not care if Kenshin is in danger. But if this danger could come to the dojo," she glanced quickly back at the children, "I need to know what it is. Come inside and we'll talk over tea."

"You don't have any sake?" Hiko asked, only partly joking. Kaoru raised one disdainful eyebrow at him, bringing a chuckle to his throat. He liked Kaoru, stubborn and incomprehensible as she was, he couldn't think of anyone better for Kenshin. She had changed since he'd seen her in Kyoto, though. Hardened in some odd way he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Once they had settled down with some tea, and Kaoru had chased her children out of the room, Hiko proceeded to explain, knowing instinctively that Kaoru would be more likely to give him an explanation after he gave her one.

"When I was young, I was not my master's only apprentice in the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu." He began. "My best friend, Kawajiri, trained by my side. Naturally, we were forced to become rather… competitive. Our master always told us… only one of us would learn the succession technique. Only one of us could become the next Seijiro Hiko. We both worked very hard, became the best that we could possibly be. We seemed to be equals, on the exact same level. But when the time came…" He paused there, reliving that fight in his mind. "I… I somehow beat him." How could he explain that fight to this girl? However she may have hardened these years, she wasn't ready for anything like this. "Kawajiri… he'd made the Hiten Mitsurugi his life… and he'd failed at it. He believed… insisted… that I had cheated in order to beat him. It was untrue, of course. But he couldn't be convinced, he vowed his vengeance, and I fear… now is the time he has chosen to fulfill it."

Kaoru had listened to his story patiently and carefully. But he could see from her confused expression that she didn't see how this applied to her, or to Kenshin.

"Kawajiri," Hiko continued, "vowed to wipe the Hiten Mitsurugi from the earth. He will come after me, after Kenshin, and after anyone close to us. He will probably come after you, and the rest of the baka's friends first, then Kenshin, and only then, after feeling that I have suffered to whatever level he feels is enough, will he come after me fully. He let me know that it was him though, that he was back, and his fury still burned." Hiko's voice quieted. "He set fire to the mountain, Kaoru-chan… He wants me to know… When you, the others… Kenshin… he wants me to know that it's his doing."

Kaoru, without thinking, reached out and placed her hand gently over his. Even though he hadn't said much about the fire on the mountain, she understood, on some instinctive level, how much his retreat had meant to him. She looked into his eyes with sympathy and gratitude, saying, "Thank you, Hiko-sama. You're welcome to stay here, as long as you wish."

Hiko didn't let himself smile at her. "Well, it seems as if I'll have to, without Kenshin here to protect you. Where is he, Kaoru-chan?"

He watched her freeze, feelings of fear, anger, and incredible pain flying across her face. She bit her lip, not sure of what to say, how much to share, staring into his eyes. She was an open book; he could even read the moment she made her decision.

"Kenshin left last year, Hiko-sama. I don't know why, but he left and we haven't seen or heard from him since…" She proceeded to tell him the whole story. Hiko listened, his face still, as she lost herself in the story, reliving the attack, the months of practice, her first kill, the children, and finally Sanosuke's departure with Megumi.

"I'm sorry about our greeting. Since Sano left, I haven't felt entirely safe here, and I told them to watch out for strange men." She ended. She seemed a little surprised at herself for sharing the whole mess with him, but resigned to the fact that she would probably need him. And he would need to know the whole situation if he was, in fact, staying.

Hiko had to shake his head as she wrapped up her story. "Please forgive me, Kaoru-chan, I never could beat some of the baka out of my deshi. He is quite stubborn when he's managed to convince himself he's right about something. Regardless of whether or not he actually is."

Kaoru nodded, a little sadly, "He always did latch onto the strangest notions sometimes…" Her voice trailed off, and her lips were hinting at a smile, remembering some moment with Kenshin. But it was only for an instant, and then her face became firm again, banishing the thought of him. "I need to make sure that dinner is getting ready," was all she said, standing up.

Hiko nodded while she politely invited him to make himself at home, and sat back as she left, to ponder her story. _Kenshin… you are more of an idiot than even I had ever guessed. And more of a coward as well._

Kaoru shivered slightly as she stepped out into the darkness of the night. The children were in bed, Hiko could easily protect the dojo while she was gone, and she had plenty of work to catch up on. Thinking of Hiko made Kaoru shake her head and smile ruefully. He was as good, and as aggravatingly aware of it, as ever. _I'll have to get him to spar with me while he's here…_ she thought to herself vaguely. Ever since Kenshin had left she'd had an intense desire to better herself and her fighting technique. She had indeed increased in both skill and strength since then, but to her it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Hiko was one of the best fighters she had ever met, and she had met some truly powerful warriors in her time. Sparring with him, perhaps even asking him for some training, would surely make her a better warrior also.

She had already spoken to the police captain, and knew her target. She hadn't been out since Sano left, so she was a little afraid she might have lost all chance of work. But the police, as always, had at least one criminal they wanted her to collect for them. _And perhaps, _she let herself hope, _my absence from the streets has lulled some of them into a sense of comfort, and security._ She was wearing her semi-disguise, her information-gathering suit. Dressed as a boy, she could move through the streets mostly unnoticed. Her hair was in a top-knot, to disguise its length, dirt smeared on her face and hands, and she was the perfect country boy, come into town for some fun.

Her darling little ninja friend, Misao, had been incredibly helpful in the design of her disguise, as well as designing her hunting costume. She'd also enjoyed training Kaoru in the ways of spying, and how to incorporate secretive ninja fighting techniques into her own. Kaoru smiled a bit remembering Misao's enthusiasm. _"I'll make you an official member of the Oniwaban!! You can come live at the Aoiya with me and we'll train the little ones to be ninjas too!!"_

She made her way to a tavern. All seedy peoples frequented taverns, and Kaoru was fairly certain she could find the information she wanted here. It was in the right area of town, and it was the darkest one on the street. Stepping inside, swaying a bit as she let her eyes adjust to the dim lighting as if she'd already had a few cups of sake, she looked around before selecting a table close to characters that looked useful. They were dicing, and rather drunk already, gossiping as men always denied they did. She listened to them as she waited for a girl to come bring her some sake. A certain name caught her ears, and she resisted the urge to turn and look at them. _Oh Luck! Kusu promised to come pay off his debts tonight!_

"Why there's the bastard now!" One man exclaimed, and Kaoru hiccupped in surprise. _Lucky lucky! Time for me to go… he'll be here a while, I'm sure. I'll go change out of this disguise, put on my Hitokiri-Dono costume. Can't let people become suspicious of my farm-boy._ That was the main reason she had cultivated the Miss Manslayer rumor these past months. Hitokiri-dono was now a demoness in the eyes of street thugs, a force of vengeance and death who appeared out of the darkness, red as blood and fury. She was never seen until the moment she attacked, a faceless unstoppable spirit. It was as far from how people thought of Kaoru as she could get. _The wilder the rumors get, the safer my family and I will be._ Kaoru thought as she slipped out the door and down the street.

She hurried back to where she'd hidden her costume. At the end of a narrow alley, there was a chicken coop. It was currently unused, though clearly only recently so. The family that kept it must have fallen on harder times, been forced to eat their last chicken. She ducked inside, silent as a ghost.

Her costume didn't take long to put on. A deep red shirt that wrapped around her body and tucked into her darker red pants, which cinched tight around her waist and billowed loosely around her legs. She let her hair fall loose from the topknot, and then tied it back in a tail with a long black scarf. A red scarf covered her face from eyes to neck. Sais tucked neatly into her belt, she emerged from the chicken coop a different person.

Kaoru returned to the tavern, though not the same way she had left it. Back alleys and rooftops were the way she went now. _Good omens on good omens. Hunting _never_ goes this well._ Arriving back at the tavern, she snuck a peek through one of the few small windows, to make sure that Kusu was still where he was supposed to be.

When he finally came back outside, he was with several of his friends, and it was very late. The group divided, most going down the street; Kusu and two others headed in the other direction. Kaoru followed as discreetly at she could, waiting for Kusu to separate from his friends so she could capture him. But the three stayed together.

_Where are they going?_ She wondered to herself. Their route had no sense to it, turning at seemingly random whims. But they stayed together, not talking, but walking together with a practiced pace. Suddenly, they met a man, traveling alone in the opposite direction. Without warning, Kusu turned and followed the man a few steps. Following his lead, his companions turned also.

_Could… Kusu have accomplices? The police mentioned robbery, on the street and also a few homes. They never said anything about accomplices!_ Kaoru barely had time to think, when Kusu's friends grabbed the man from behind, and she caught the glint of steel in her target's hand.

_Damn!_ She darted out immediately, sais flashing into her hands. Her skills had certainly improved in many ways, but Kaoru wasn't stupid. She knew she was outnumbered; three to one weren't the odds she would have chosen for this hunt. _Get them down. And make damn sure they can't get back up._ Her only chance of winning was to take them completely by surprise and to either wound them very seriously, or kill them, before they had a chance to realize that they were the ones at the advantage here.

It was a silent charge, she stabbed one in the back before he knew she was coming. He shouted, surprised, but she slashed at him again, spinning low, across the back of his leg. He fell with a scream, and Kaoru hoped he wouldn't be able to stand again. The other released their victim, who took his chance to flee. Kusu was armed with a knife, so she turned her attention to him. He hadn't had as much to drink as she would have hoped, and he took only a few steps back as she darted for him. _I need to keep being fast. He's surprised, and confused, and I need to keep him that way._

His defense was clumsy, and he shouted at his remaining friend to stop her. She caught his knife in her right sai, a sharp twist sent the enemy blade clattering harmlessly away. The other robber lunged at her, trying to grab her, but Kaoru leapt nimbly out of his grasp. Her sais slashed at his shoulders as she dropped behind him, he too screamed and fell on his face when she kicked him in the back. Kaoru's world had narrowed to the fight. The only thing that mattered was stopping these men. She kicked him in the head as she turned to face Kusu, who was looking frantically for the knife he had lost.

Kaoru's weapons, now rather bloodied, no longer glinted, but her eyes had become sharply silver as she advanced on him. Kusu, a true coward, took one glance at his fallen cohorts, then turned and ran. She chased him, and didn't have to run very far. She leapt, and kicked him in the back, sending him sprawling forward. Another short leap, and she landed neatly in the middle of his back. He cried out in pain and fear, and Kaoru could only think that this was how his victims had probably cried out.

"Filthy bastard…" Kaoru muttered, sliding her left sai back into her belt. Grabbing a handful of his hair she yanked his head back and set her blade to his throat. He begged her not to kill him, begged her like the dog he was. She felt him quivering beneath her feet.

"Do I kill you?" Her whisper was harsh in his ear. "Or do I let the police have you?" Behind her, the others were moving. She glanced at them quickly, and determined that they couldn't stand. They were no threat.

The shouting would surely bring the police, eventually, and then she would return to the station and collect her payment. The question was: did she want to wait for the officer to take this thing off her hands, or kill him, leave him here in the street, and go collect on him right away? The police were not only incompetent, they were surprisingly short on morals when it came to this sort of thing. They really didn't care if she handed her bounties over alive or dead most of the time, so long as she got them. Either way ensured her payment.

She sighed angrily. The fight was over. She couldn't kill the man this way. She had to wait.

_Did Kenshin ever have to deal with this? When he was the Battousai did he ever kill people like this? In cold blood? While they begged him to let them live? _It was hard to imagine the gentle rurouni she'd always known doing that. _If that was what he was ordered to do, who he was ordered to kill… he probably did. Kenshin was devoted to a cause back then. And he's devoted to a cause now. If this were Kenshin I had in my hands right now… what would I do?_ She shied away from the question. It wasn't Kenshin beneath her, no matter how much she could wish that it were. And she still didn't know what she would do if she ever did get him in this position. Would she hurt him? Inflict the same pain on him that he had inflicted on her? Would she demand answers from him?

Would she kill him?

"Absolutely not!" Kaoru shouted, for the third time that day.

"He needs to be warned, Kaoru-chan." Hiko refused to raise his voice at her, no matter how stupid she was being.

"Well… if he'd told me where he was going, I would be more than happy to send a letter, Hiko-sama. But he didn't. He didn't tell me where, he didn't tell me why. All he told me was 'good-bye.' So I wouldn't even know where to start!"

She'd spent more time in the last two days talking about Kenshin than she had in the whole year since he'd left. Hiko seemed to bring him up at every opportunity, practically forcing her to face the issue. He was even going so far as to tell the children stories about Kenshin's training. And while Kaoru found many of the stories quite funny, they only made the children ask _her_ for stories about Kenshin. And she felt obliged to give them at least a few. She had a sneaking suspicion that that was Hiko's plan.

She was right.

Hiko, on the inside, was smiling very broadly. "How many times did he save your life, Kaoru-chan? Don't you owe him at least this much?"

Kaoru scowled. Her weaknesses would just have to come into this, wouldn't they? Hiko just had to bring that up, didn't he?

"Hiko-sama. I don't care." It was a lie, and he saw right through it. "I don't care what he did for me. It didn't mean anything. He would have done it for anybody; he _has_ done that for anybody. He doesn't expect anything in return for that. It's his penance. That he saved my life on more than one occasion had _nothing_ to do with me. Not really."

Hiko arched an eyebrow. The girl had worked herself into some incredibly odd logic through her pain over her abandonment. Kaoru responded to his unasked question.

"Everyone acts as if I was something special to him, Hiko-sama. Everyone seems to think that he thought something special of me. He didn't. I was _nothing_ to him. I was nothing more than another person to rescue, another step toward his atonement. I-" She faltered a little, as the pain came back full force. "I didn't mean anything. Nothing he ever did for me, for us, really meant anything. All it meant to him was another confirmation in his mind that he was doing _good_ in the world. I'm sure he's out doing the same thing right now. Saving the lives of more innocents. Doing more good. That's all I was to him. That's all Yahiko, Sano… all of us were to him. Good deeds. As a person… I was nothing."

Hiko's other eyebrow joined the first. The girl was loopy. Completely and utterly loopy. Heartbroken, certainly, but were all heartbroken children this crazy?

"Do you get it?" Kaoru finished. "I don't owe that man a thing. He never did anything for me. He turned his back on _me,_ Hiko-sama."

"You, my dear little Kaoru, are completely insane." Hiko couldn't help but tell her.

She only glared at him.

"I am too old to be traipsing all over Japan." He went on, "So it's up to you to find the baka and bring him back here so we all have a chance of surviving this insanity."

"It's up to me to do no such thing." She insisted heatedly. "It's up to me stay in Tokyo and take care of my family!"

"Kenshin must be brought back here." Hiko repeated.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!!"

"There's no need to worry about the children. I'll stay and take care of them."

"You don't know anything about taking care of children."

"Yes I do." He resisted the urge to say 'I know EVERYTHING!!'

"Oh? How were you planning on providing for seven hungry mouths while I'm searching for some stupid swordsman that I don't even _want to find!"_

"I'm sure we'll think of something."

"_You'll think of something???"_ Kaoru looked ready to explode. Hiko had to work very hard to not burst into howls of laughter.

Kaoru stepped out into the cool night air with a sigh. It had been a wearing day. She heaved another sigh as Hiko followed her out to the porch. When he didn't say anything, Kaoru felt she ought to.

"I don't want him back here, Hiko."

"I think… you're afraid of him coming back."

She drew in a sharp breath, but she was shaking as she exhaled. "M-maybe I am…" She replied, whispering.

"He needs to come back home, Kaoru. And you need to be the one who brings him." Hiko remained standing by the door, behind her, so she couldn't see the look of compassion that floated across his face.

"This isn't his home, Hiko-sama." Her voice was hard again. "And this isn't some ridiculous romance novel like Tae reads, where I go searching like a witless lunatic for the man who abandoned me, and we all end up living happily ever after. There are eight people in that house who need me. And I will _not abandon them._"

Hiko was silent for several moments.

"I have known Kenshin for… a very long time." He finally began, "Since he was an orphaned little kid, like one of your own, Kaoru-chan. I like to think that he had a home with me, on the mountain. But now… I think Kenshin was your orphan, not mine. If one of your children ran away, wouldn't you try to find them?"

"Of course I would. I'd never stop looking."

"Kenshin needs you, as much as these children do. He's still an orphan, Kaoru, and it's up to you to give him a home."

"But-" her voice cracked on the tears streaming down her face. "It's not the same."

"Perhaps… but it is very very similar." He insisted. "I do not believe that Kenshin _abandoned_ you, Kaoru-chan. I believe that he ran away. Perhaps he was scared of something you offered, confused by his own feelings, torn between his self-appointed role, and his happiness. He's a baka, and I can't even begin to fathom his reasons. But that doesn't change the fact that he needs you, and he needs you to bring him home."

Kaoru buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs, and Hiko finally came to sit beside her. But he didn't put an arm around her. Seijiro Hiko the Thirteenth did _not_ go that far with comfort.

Kaoru couldn't believe this. Kenshin had never needed her. But could Hiko be right? She had never known him to be wrong about anything, and he would be only too happy to remind her of that fact.

Kenshin was an orphan, just like her children, just like her. He had no family. She had forgotten that somehow, until Hiko had reminded her. Could he really need her to come after him?

"May the Gods damn you into the deepest and darkest of Hells, Seijiro Hiko." She finally answered him. "I'll go… as soon as I can be sure my family will be taken care of."

--------------

This chapter is rewritten. I had forgotten that Misao is the leader of the Oniwaban, so I rectified that mistake. And I decided not to have her come help Hiko with the kids. It occurred to me that A) she wouldn't be particularly useful taking care of children, and B) her personality doesn't fit in with the rest of the story. So, sorry Misao fans… she's not coming.

grin

See you all soon!!

blows kisses


	5. On The Road

On the Road

Kenshin wandered. It was what he did, being a wanderer, and he did it happily. Yes, yes it was raining. And yes, yes there was more mud on his clothes than there was on the road. But such was the way of wandering. He tried to remember what town lay in front of him… several miles in front of him, several miles of mud and rain. But he couldn't call the name up in his mind. With a shrug, he decided it didn't really matter. Towns and villages all started looking rather alike after enough wandering. Roads did the same. With a little bit of alarm, he realized that he couldn't even seem to remember what part of Japan he might be in. But he kept walking. Wandering. It was what he did… being a wanderer and all.

It was raining quite hard. Kenshin looked up at the sky, to see if there were any chance of it letting up soon, but the action nearly drowned him. So he didn't try that again. Eyes fixed on the mud in front of his wet feet, he kept on. The rain, the walking, the squelch of the mud, he fell into a half-trance. _Wandering, wandering, wandering…_ a singsong sort of chant ran through his mind. It was after all, what he did. He'd found himself repeating that thought often. Re-asserting his role to himself whenever that role became a little uncomfortable.

His chant was interrupted when Kenshin tripped, falling face first into the mud. _I gave up Kaoru for this?!_ The outraged thought sprang into his mind, and he banished it quickly as he picked himself up. _Kaoru was not mine to give up._ He reminded himself, looking at his now mud covered hands. The mud was slick and dark, and despite its coldness, reminded him rather disconcertingly of blood. With a slow nod he resumed walking, forcing his hands back down to his sides, out of his vision. He hadn't had a hallucination in months, and for a moment he'd been afraid that he was really seeing blood dripping from his hands.

_Kaoru…_ he could still picture her with crystal clarity, if he wanted to. And sometimes, he chose to. Another form of his self-punishment, telling himself he couldn't have the only woman he'd come close to wanting in over a decade. _This unworthy one could never soil Kaoru-dono with his sins. This unworthy one must get to the next village and do some laundry, that he must._

His thoughts turned, unbidden to the slick dark mud on his hands. _It was only mud. _He reminded himself fiercely. _The visions are not coming back. I've escaped them. I know I have._ The visions of blood seemed to have begun so long ago… had it really been only a year since he'd run away from Kaoru to escape them? A little more than a year, he finally figured. He shuddered again, remembering them.

Kaoru, just out of her bath, hair still wet… slick… dark… He could see the blood dripping down her back, down her face, smell it in the air. He could feel it on his hands, and he had known, with a horrible certainty, that if he looked down, his hands would be dark with blood. Kaoru's blood.

_Kaoru was trying yet again to make a good dinner for her makeshift family. A bit of dark sauce splashed on her cheek just before he walked into the kitchen. When she turned and smiled at him, he saw blood, dark on her face, wet on her lips, spilling from her throat. The stench of death swam around his head and he had to fight to keep from screaming in terror. _

_ Kaoru slept, her long dark hair spilling around her shoulders in the moonlight. A strand crossed her throat, and he saw it slit open, blood congealing behind her head. _

At any moment of the day - or night, when he took the liberty of checking on her while she slept - he might see blood. He'd known he was going mad, and hadn't any idea what to do. He'd been afraid to even look at her, afraid of the blood he might see. It was his taint, his sins, and the blood he had spilled, that covered his beloved.

_Beloved…_ the thought pulled him from his morbid memories. Could he really call her that? Yes, yes it was all right now. Now that she was safe, and far away from him.

Sano looked up at the rain, nearly drowning from the weight of it. _Sheesh… I should have just stayed at the bar. Megumi would have been fine without me for one night._ Looking back at the road in front of him, he blinked to get the rain out of his eyes. His vision was so blurred that he didn't see the small figure directly in front of him until they collided. Picking himself up from the muddy street took some careful balance, but when he was standing Sano began to apologize before looking the other person.

"I'm really sorry… this stupid rain…" he began, but then found himself staring at a confused pair of familiar violet eyes.

Without another word Sano socked one of those eyes, and proceed to hit the face again without even thinking about it.

"Oro!" Kenshin's voice rose from the mud. "Sanosuke?"

"Yeah… it's me, ya little…" Sagara was pulling his fist back again as he stepped toward the rurouni, but then stopped himself. Instead he reached down and grabbed the pink collar. "You're comin' with me, red. You've got a lot to answer for." And with that, he dragged Kenshin down the street. At last, he'd found the bastard that had broken his Jou-chan. At last, Kenshin would see just what he'd done when he left Kaoru. At last, he'd pay. But not at his hands… oh, there would be time for that. But Kaoru would have hers first.

"Oro?"

The downpour had begun only moments after Megumi had come in from the bathhouse. The family had eaten dinner, and she settled in with her new medical notes, to study with the elderly doctor who had agreed to teach her while she stayed in the town. He was letting her and Sano stay in his home with his family also, provided that Sano do some work around the house and clinic.

At the moment, her traveling companion was enjoying a rare night out. Sano had no trouble making friends with locals, and he was spending the evening at a local restaurant getting drunk with them. Judging by the weather that had just sprung up, she doubted he would return before it let up at the very least, and most likely he wouldn't bother coming in until morning. _And no doubt he'll expect me to cure him of a night spent passed out under a table. "Surely you can do _something_ with this head, kitsune!" I can hear him whining now._ She couldn't help but smile though. For some reason, their bickering and bantering had changed on the road. They still teased and taunted each other, but now there was a more palpable undercurrent to it. Flirting with Sanosuke was easier when they were both away from Kaoru's confusing presence.

A sound at the door distracted her from her reverie. _Was that an 'Oro?'_

"Kitsune!" Sano's voice called. "Come here!"

Megumi and the doctor rushed to the door. Sano and Kenshin were standing there, dripping mud and water. The doctor, fearing for his floors, quickly rushed off to get towels and mats.

"Look what I found in the street." Sano's voice was harsher than Megumi had heard it in a very long time. Kenshin looked around, seeming rather dazed and confused by what was happening. One eye was slightly puffy with the beginnings of a colorful bruise.

"Oh… my…" Megumi was speechless. She didn't even know where to begin. Should she berate him for what he'd done? Question his reasons? Take care of his eye? Be kind and welcoming or cruel and harsh? "Ken-san…"

"Megumi-dono…" Kenshin was finally able to say something besides 'Oro.'

"You keep quiet you…" Sano growled. Megumi was surprised to see the fury clouding her friend's features. He was even shaking from the effort of suppressing his rage.

"Sanosuke!" She cried. "What… where… why??" She didn't know what to say to him either. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been so confused.

"Pack your bags, foxy." Sano's growl was gentler towards her. "We're going back to Tokyo."

_That man is completely insane._ Kaoru sank into the hot bathwater, wincing a little. _My god… it's a wonder Kenshin survived training with Hiko-sama… the madman._ The heat felt good on her abused muscles, and she finally let herself relax. It had taken a great deal of convincing to get the master to give her a little training, but eventually she had convinced him that she wouldn't leave until she had learned what she wanted from him. Even so, he wasn't giving her much, and he was making her pay for every morsel. Bruises covered her body, muscles had been pushed beyond their limits, and her mind reeled from just trying to keep up with Hiko. She was exhausted, weak with fatigue and frustration. Hiko wanted her out of the dojo; he wanted Kenshin found and the whole ordeal over with.

Kaoru had convinced Tae to come stay with Hiko and the family while she would be gone. She felt horrible asking so much of her friend, as if Tae didn't have a restaurant to take care of. Hopefully, she would just need to make sure chores stayed organized and got done, and take care of the little injuries that children got. She'd cut back the frequency of her classes, so that Yahiko could handle teaching them. As annoying as the little runt could be sometimes, he wasn't necessarily a bad teacher, and he was far enough ahead of the other students that he'd be comfortable. Hiko was more than capable of keeping a protective eye on things, and he swore to her that he could handle the children without killing them.

With a sigh, Kaoru stretched her limbs in the warmth of the bathhouse. She couldn't delay her departure for much longer. Part of her was trying to put it off forever. But her more practical side knew that the sooner she got out there and found Kenshin, the sooner she could come home and her life could return to normal.

_Ha. As if things are ever going to be the same here again. Kenshin probably won't stay after that Kawajiri is dealt with. But will Hiko leave? I doubt it. I think that he's making his home here, and he's getting used to the kids. They're starting to get used to him too, almost like they were with Sano. I wonder if he and Megumi will ever come home?_ Kaoru wistfully remembered Sanosuke's careless grin, his comforting arm around her shoulders. _Who knows? But Kenshin… where do I even begin looking for the rurouni? If I can get on his trail, he should be easy enough to follow. People will remember him, most definitely. What do I do when I find him? How am I supposed to convince him to come home? And what will he think of me when he gets here? What will he think of the children, of Hiko? What will he think of Hitokiri-dono?_

Shaking her head, she stood up from the water. _I'll leave tomorrow._

----------

Okay!! I know I haven't updated in forever and I know that this is a short chapter!! But I have my reasons!! Not the least of which is that I don't have TV anymore, so I don't see Rurouni Kenshin hardly EVER!!! But… I read some other fanfictions and that put me in the mood to write, so here ya go. I made some changes to the last chapter. The most important one for the story being that I decided against having Misao come to Tokyo. And now darlings… my replies to comments!!!

**Chris37** - Thanks for noticing the eyes... and thanks for all the positive comments. hugs  
**Kay-san** - I'm glad you were surprised! I hope you like where I've gone with this chapter, and where I'll go with the next!  
**VolleyGurly** - Thank you! I'll go check out your story when I'm done writing these replies! I'm sure it's good!  
**Shinji Ikari** - Oh... wow... Thank you sooooo much. I have never ever gotten a review so complete... so good... If you go back to Chapter 4 you'll see that I did change that about Misao. As for when this is... shrug I really don't have an answer for that. I haven't seen any of Samourai X, have no clue who Enishi is... and the Jinchu arc...??? Sorry... I watched part (most?) of the way through the Shishio episodes before life came between me and TV. I'm so glad you like my story though. I hope some of why Kenshin left is explained in this chapter.  
**D-Chan3** - I haven't decided yet just how the two of them will meet up, but I almost can't wait to write about it. Putting Kenshin in unfortunate positions is so fun sometimes...  
**Mystic-fox** - Thank you! I know that there hasn't been much of Kenshin's perspective and angst so far, but there will be more!  
**evilteddybear** - Okay... I admit it... sometimes I get a little carried away with details and things. I'm glad you like my Hiko, and I hope you like what's coming!  
Everyone else... since you just yelled at me to update... grin I hope you liked the new chapter, and I promise to try and get chapters up faster from here on in.  
blows kisses to all  
Thanks again to everyone! 


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